What a game, huh?
To celebrate one of the most thrilling sporting events in history, I’ve put together this list of unexpected facts about the Super Bowl. Hope you enjoy!
1. Bill Belichick will now tear out one of Pete Carroll’s eyeballs and add it to the necklace he wears under his sweatshirt.
Belichick moves so fast that Pete Carroll won’t even feel pain for the first few seconds.
2. Moments after the game ends, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell opens a portal to an alternate universe where the Seahawks won instead. He trades the “Super Bowl Champion Seahawks” hats he bought before the game for the other Roger Goodell’s “Super Bowl Champion Patriots” hats, and they both make hundreds of dollars.
If you’ve ever wondered why Roger Goodell’s nickname is “Mr. Magic Portal Sorcerer”, now you know!
3. Meanwhile, Roger Goodell’s personal assistant dumps the Seahawks’ blue-and-green victory confetti into a nearby river.
When questioned, Goodell will blame the color change on an “algae bloom”. He will then fine the algae $58,000.
4. If this Super Bowl is like most Super Bowls, clouds will hang over Seattle for most of the next year.
This also happened after the Seattle Mariners lost the 2001 ALCS.
5. Next week, the Patriots will play the CFL’s Calgary Stampeders in the biggest game of the year: The Football World Championship.
The Stampeders will be hungry to end the NFL’s 49-year winning streak.
6. Everyone was so riveted by the final moments of the football game that nobody noticed how the puppies in the Puppy Bowl got together, formed a pack, and ate the referee’s face.
Football is such a cool sport! See you next year!