(1) Meet someone from Harvard at the Commons party tonight. Dance with them. Exchange numbers.

(2) Hang with them at the Game tomorrow. Get to know their friends.

(3) Visit them in Boston over winter break. Kiss them on a bridge overlooking the Charles River.

(4) Buy an apartment with them when you both graduate. While you’re in law school, they’re interning at a local newspaper. You don’t have much money, but you’re happy together.

(5) You get the law job; they become a managing editor. The time is right to start a family. Put a ring in their wineglass at dinner. They’ll act surprised, but you both knew this was coming.

(6) Send out wedding invitations; hold the ceremony in Battell Chapel; walk up the aisle hand in hand to where the Reverend waits, smiling, to unite you in the bonds of holy matrimony.

(7) Just as they say “I do”, take off running. Leave them speechless at the altar. As you escape, shout “HARVARD SUCKS!” at the top of your lungs. Take your stuff and move to another state. Don’t answer their calls.

(8) Take that, Harvard!