Pitchfork Reviews, But Only The Adjectives

“Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.”

Martin Mull


What would you like to hear today?

How about an oblique, alien, rudderless, distant, fascinating, deft, muscular, emotionally textured, rousing, concise, full-bodied, aching, dreary, nuanced, wounded, throttling, leering, insular, sealed-off, antiseptic and clinical, dirge-like, rather hackneyed, spare, orphaned, martial, rollicking, leaden, blackened, too steady, metronomic album?

Or perhaps an uncannily empty, glassy, angled, thick, gelatinous, isolated, percussive, faintly violent, intimate, enormous, nostalgic, light, rolling, interesting, negative, less-inspired, boring, exciting, shapeless, frozen, complicated, vast and illegible album?

Final offer: A fidgety, carefully developing, slow, somber, blurred, halting, darker, deep, masked, smudged, rain-dappled, murky, plangent, lo-fi, fuzzy, sustained, distant, ghostly, dark, hazy, muffled, decaying, gorgeous, gray, haunted album.


Whether you find the modification of nouns to be fascinating, plangent, or even faintly violent, I’d love to see your favorite adjective-only reviews!


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