Some outtakes from the most recent issue of The Yale Record.

 

The League of Slightly Extraordinary Gentlemen

Chaos: Can generate perfectly random numbers using only his mind. Never needs to flip a coin to make a decision.

Firebrand: Can light a match on the first try, every time. Currently battling Stage 2 lung cancer after a lifetime of looking really cool while smoking.

Puberty Boy: Able to increase his body mass by seventy percent in only three years.

Resolute: He doesn’t have a power. He just wants it more.

Monarch: Capable of talking to butterflies, though he doesn’t do it often, because they never respond.

Hydronaught: Doesn’t mind being outside in the rain, even if he doesn’t have an umbrella.

Mesomorph: Has rock-hard muscles despite working out only four hours a week instead of five. Also naturally broad-shouldered.

Unshakeable: Completely immune to procrastination. To humanity’s misfortune, his only goal is to leave a single racist comment on every page of Wikipedia.

 

Bonus: Ask The Comic Book Expert

Q: In the Spider-Man movies, which real city stands in for Spidey’s fictional home of “New York City”?

A: Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.

Fun fact: In addition to “New York City”, the “Gotham City” of the Dark Knight films and the “Metropolis” of Man of Steel were also played by Harrisburg, Pennsylvania!

 

Q: So you know how, in “Crisis on Infinite Earths”, Issue 5, page 26, on the third panel from the left…

A: Yes.

 

Q: Which superhero has the largest penis?

A: Aquaman, at 8.5 inches.