For those in my reading audience who are not acquainted with the modern-day Disney channel:
There exists a television show called Dog With a Blog.
The subject matter: Exactly What It Says On The Tin.
The Wikpedia article: Priceless post-post-modern literature. Second only to The Brave Little Toaster Goes to Mars as an example of gonzo Wikipedianism.
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This television show is written by a team of adults. The money these adults receive probably helps them support their families. These adults are functioning members of the U.S. economy.
Better yet, it is clear that these adults are using the relative obscurity of their television show to create a series which breaks down barriers — like the stifling barrier of logic.
Although Stan [the titular Dog] does not like to admit it, if you look at his family tree you would find that he is part cat. He blames the fact that his dog ancestor “married” his one cat ancestor because it was the 1970s.
Amount of money I would pay to have been in the room when the “cat ancestor” idea was proposed, discussed, and accepted: At least twelve dollars.
Average rating given to this television show by actual children, out of five stars: Two stars.
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One of the many exciting features of this Wikipedia article is that it fluctuates wildly in style, like many other Wikipedia articles that are not read very often. It has not been edited into a uniform paste. Instead, readers get to experience:
[Chloe, one of the central characters] has a very active imagination, making up new names for various body parts (such as calling her stomach her “food box” and her feet her “walkin’ hands” and her mouth her “eatin’ hole” also her eyes her “lookin’ balls”).
Sharp-eyed feminism and/or misogyny!
Like many Disney Channel sitcom mothers, [Ellen] often displays an insatiable greed for power and attention. She is also known to be a bad cook.
Secondary characters inspired by potent hallucinogens!
Karl [a high school student] often has tea and snacks with [mother of high school students] Ellen, much to the discomfort of others, though they both claim “It’s not weird.” Karl talks often about his obsessive body-building mother, who he says is the “strongest woman in the world”, although she has never been seen in the show.
Lindsay, played by Kayla Maisonet, is Avery’s best friend. Lindsay’s unique quality is that she always wears a hat, even when it’s inappropriate. It is hinted in a Season 2 episode that she keeps a roll of toilet paper that is “softer than what the school provides” under her hat.
Sub-plots that really shouldn’t be appearing on the Disney Channel!
In “Avery’s First Crush,” Nikki accidentally reveals her confusing and mysterious secret: “My brother didn’t fall. He was pushed.”
And a spin-off series that I suspect is written entirely by interns!
A small spin-off series called Dogs Rule! Cats… Not So Much debuted in 2014. It is a variety show hosted by Stan comparing cats to dogs and showing various cat or dog web videos.
Please keep in mind that hundreds of thousands of children are watching this television show on a weekly basis. The twentysomethings of 2030 will discuss Dog With a Blog in the same nostalgic tones that twentysomethings of today reserve for Rugrats.
There is no conclusion to this blog post. But before I go, one final quote:
The children learn of Stan’s talking ability in the first episode and agree to keep it a secret from their parents, fearing that if the world finds out that Stan can talk, he will be taken away and experimented on.
If I am hired by the writing staff of Dog With a Blog, I will fight to turn it into a television show about the heroic government agents who capture the talking dog, experiment on it, and make important scientific discoveries.
That would set a much better example for the children.