“Hello. You’ve reached the disembodied voice of Aaron Gertler. Aaron’s body isn’t here right now, but if you leave a message, it will get back to you soon.”

“Hello. You’ve reached a past version of Aaron Gertler. Please leave a message, and the present version of Aaron Gertler will respond as soon as he can, unless he needs to leave a message himself, in which case you’ll be hearing from a more recent past version of Aaron Gertler who still lags behind the present version. Don’t worry; your present versions will connect sometime in the future.”

“Hello. You are now part of a plan made by Aaron Gertler. The plan was for you to leave your name, number, and a brief message. If you help Aaron with his plan, he might help you with yours.”

“Hello. You’re reached Aaron’s machine that saves messages. Please leave your name and the number of the machine that throws your voice. You can also have your letter-sending machine reach me via me@aarongertler.net. One of my machines will contact you soon.”

“Hello. You’ve reached a series of electronic signals. Please transmit your own signals, and more signals will follow.”

“Hello. You’ve reached Aaron Gertler. Please leave your name, number, and a brief message containing your name, number, and a brief message containing your name, number, and a brief message containing your name, number, and a brief message containing your name, number, and a brief message about the thing you actually want.”

“Hello. You’ve reached the phone of Aaron Gertler. Leave a message, and either Aaron or his phone will get back to you soon. You won’t be able to tell the difference. In fact, you may want to send Aaron a Facebook message to make sure he’s still around, and that his phone isn’t hiding something.

“Once you send the message, either Aaron or Facebook will get back to you soon.”