The Other Five Best Clickhole Articles of All Time

The Five Best Clickhole Articles of All Time is my most popular post ever.

What would Clickhole do if they were me?

Obviously, they’d write a sequel, to get all those delicious clicks. Here you go!

 

The Five Best Clickhole Articles Since The Last Time I Wrote This Article

  1. Six Job Offers I Received After I Listed My Job Title on LinkedIn as “Treasure Horse”
  2. Almost Inspiring: This Woman’s First Post About Her Miscarriage Showed How Strong She Was, But Then Her Next 8 Posts Were Just Way Too Fucking Sad To Go Viral
  3. Disgrace: The CEO Of Beans Has Stepped Down Amid Reports That There Can’t Be A CEO Of Beans
  4. An Oral History of Pixar
  5. Wow: When Someone Graffitied Hateful Messages On This Mosque, A Group Of House Painters Came Together To Cover It Up For Free. But Then The Next Night The Hateful Guy Came Back And Wrote Even Worse Stuff, And The Painters Are Booked Through The End Of The Year. So Now Some Well-Intentioned Teens Are Going To Try To Fix It, Which Is Very Nice, But They Probably Aren’t Going To Do A Very Good Job And They Don’t Have A Ladder.

 

Almost Inspiring:

Within just a few hours of posting, Kelsey’s story had already racked up over 1,000 shares on Facebook and was well on its way to becoming the sort of viral sensation that inspires women all across the globe. Unfortunately, the eight statuses that followed were such a fucking bummer that there’s no way you’ll be seeing them shared across your feed anytime soon.

The CEO of Beans:

As of this morning, the board of directors of beans has accepted Mr. Buckley’s resignation, and then the members promptly stepped down themselves amidst reports that beans cannot have a board of directors, either.

Pixar:

Pete Docter (animator, Pixar): There was this unspoken agreement that films shouldn’t star human beings. They should star human beings whose souls are trapped in the bodies of smaller things, or bigger things. Souls trapped in fish; souls trapped in toys; souls trapped in cars. It’s just good storytelling.

John Lasseter: I vividly remember the moment we came up with the idea for Ratatouille. Brad Bird suddenly started scribbling down the words “rat Frenchman” over and over on a napkin. He must have written it hundreds of times. We all started nodding, because we knew this idea was going to make us a billion dollars.

 

 

The Other Four Best Clickhole Articles (etc.)

  1. If People Think There’s A Quick Fix To Illegal Immigration They’re As Misguided As The Scientists In My Screenplay ‘Chronotaur: Labyrinth Of Time’
  2. Not Good At All: This Charity Pays For Skydiving Lessons For Convicted Sex Offenders
  3. PR Disaster: The President Of Panasonic Has Been Forced To Resign After 60,000 Panasonic TVs Ascended To Heaven Without Warning
  4. I Put On A Fat Suit To Understand What It’s Like To Be Your Mom

 

Not Good At All:

The charity is shockingly well-funded, has tax-exempt status as a nonprofit organization, and has already paid for hundreds of sex offenders to enjoy the excitement of skydiving for the first time. But it gets worse. Charity Navigator, a popular charity-rating site, gives Sky’s The Limit a four out of four star rating, citing its transparency and high percentage of donations going toward its programs.

Your Mom:

From the moment I put on the fat suit, it became clear that your mom’s life was way more challenging than I ever could’ve imagined. You can’t sit down without first checking for innocent bystanders. You can’t roll over in bed without getting your passport stamped. You can’t even take a selfie without using Google Maps.

 

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